I remember my first big breakup. I was with my boyfriend for a couple years. It was all great and we did everything together.
When I first met him, I was so involved in my life. I mean really passionate about everything. I had just finished college, was in the gym daily, began prepping for my first fitness show, spent time with tons of friends and family. Took classes all the time, and was even part of a fitness prep group.
Little by little I began dropping all those things, to spend more, and more time with him. It began with less time at the gym, less girls nights, less search for passions, less reading and discovering.
It came to a point, where I lost sight of who I was, and what used make me happy.
After we broke up, I felt as if I had to start from scratch, rebuild with old friends, make new ones, get back in the gym, lose all the weight I had gained. I had given up all my passions. I had to understand what made me…… ME again.
After a lot of soul searching, I realized — true happiness does come from within. No matter who comes into your life, you have to be happy by yourself first. Another person can’t completely fill all your time. Because at some point, you will want more, and more from them……….to fill that empty void that your passions once took up, but you gave up for them. You must create the life you want, maintain your passions, try everything under the sun, and see what sticks.
I’ve noticed, when people meet someone new. They immerse themselves into that person’s life. They spend hours upon hours, with them, and little by little, give up the life they once knew. They think ‘Hey- this new person is great. Doing things with them is making me happy, why stop and do things without them?’
The problem is, you spend too much time, investing and doing things with that person. That if you break up with them, you’ll end up feeling empty. You won’t recognize who you are anymore, you’ll have to rebuild from scratch. What did you do for fun? who were your friends?……. you no longer know.
Don’t get me wrong, spending time with someone you love is incredible, but in order to be truly happy, you have to balance it and remain who you are as a person. You, as a stand alone person, with your own friends, interest, passions, goals. You as a complete, because that’s what’s truly going to fulfill you….. yourself.
Happiness in a relationship…
When you get into a relationship, make it a priority to keep your balance. Keep your weekly meet ups with your friends, keep your passions alive, keep your routine, your rhythm. Like that daily visit to the gym, keep your goals for yourself alive, like wanting to travel to Europe, run a marathon, whatever that may be.
Happiness comes from feeding your passions daily.……
Creating something, working on something, and watching it grow. But when you’re in a relationship, (or if you’re relationship is your only passion)…things are different. Yeah…….. you might still be working on it daily, cultivating it, feeding it, but it might not grow they way you want it to. People and things change, and all that effort might not bring you the greatest pleasure, you hoped.
That’s why you can’t put all your eggs in one basket, or expect one person to make you complete, or fully happy. You cannot control another person, what they want, how they’ll feel in the future. So you cannot put your happiness in the hands of others.
As I evolved as a person, I no longer search for my happiness in others. I get up daily, do and pursue whatever I want. When i’m in a new relationship, my life flows as it normally does. I see my friends on a normal basis, I go to the gym, I read, I visit my family, I work on my businesses, I work, I explore, I write. I do what makes me happy, and my rhythm won’t be interrupted. I know what i’m looking for is already inside me.
Here’s what will make you happier…
When you feel discontent, or feel sadness creeping in, start something — get creative, start a business, start a project, work towards a goal.
Your mind and body are asking for improvement, they’re asking for you to push yourself, they’re asking for you to take the next step. Take a step forward.
Doesn’t matter what direction you go in. Find something, work towards a goal. Build something. Always be in motion, in the pursuit of something — is where we find happiness.
Relationships don’t make us happy, knowing ourselves does. Relationships add to our lives, and allow us to share our happiness with someone else. Love yourself first, become a whole, so you can share it with others.
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Photo by Jonathan Borba
